Christmas, somethings is missing...

CHRISTMAS....... When talking about christmas, everyone was so excited and started to plan where to celebrate and with who.. Except me............

Let times return to few weeks ago..
Me : Dear, so sorry oh christmas I cant go to Penang to celebrate with you because my dad
sure will not allow me to go Penang without reasons.
Dear : Then I go Taiping find you bah!

And so we were so excited and plan where to go and what to do that day!

Let times adjust to last week..
Dear : My grandma past away, when Christmas is exactly seven days so my mum do not
allow me to go.
Me : Ok, nevermind.

I reply with heart pain but I know I cant show out because his grandma just past away. He very sad... His grandma past away and cannot come and meet me... Feel so sorry cant by his side to console him... So I decided to do a handmade card to him.......

Let times back to now..
So today he received my card.. He said it was cute n nice! This was my 1st time do card for boy, feel so kindergarden the card, hope he will like it! Well today nothing special to me. I just celebrate with my parent. Going to dinner and walking around in our new mall. Somethings is missing.....

I kept telling myself 'You must b patient, only left 29 days to meet him, time passed very fast'..

I was so nervous while waiting for his sms reply.. I sent 'What time you working today?'.. I kept praying that he will not work at night.. Teng teng teng teng! Yeah! He worked at afternoon so we had promised to meet at msn at 8.30pm.. While Im free and waiting for the time, I kept thinking of whether he come to find me at Sat is right or wrong.. After a long thinking, I think I better cal him not to find me at Sat.. This is bcoz from Setiawan to Taiping need around one and a half hour, somemore the road very narrow and small.. When at night he drive back from Taiping to Setiawan sure very dangerous! Haiz... N I also duwan always waste his petrol.. I kept telling myself 'You must b patient, only left 29 days to meet him, time passed very fast'..

Disappointed + Excited

Today a bit disappointed oh bcoz he today worked at night so we cant see each other through webcam.. What to do? Haiz... Ohyea, he said this Saturday he will be coming to Setiawan and mayb wana come and find me at Taiping.. I was like so excited and started to plan if he come, where should I bring him to go and eat.. After I had planned the whole journey, I wrote it out and sent to him.. Now waiting for his reply......

No matter how, the feeling of saw him at webcam and meet his real person is not same.....

Today working as usual..Working with such a 'WEIRD' boss really make me suffer..I kept telling myself 'don worry,somebody is waiting for you after you finish work'.. So I was like concentrate on my work, keep myself busy so that time passed faster.. As normal, after I finished my dinner, I quickly on my msn and chat with him.. But today a bit different oh, I can saw him through webcam!!! I didnt meet him for 3 days n I thought after one month only I can see him.. When I saw him that time, duno y I just kept smiling and call 'dear...dear...dear'.. So miss him! But no matter how, the feeling of saw him at webcam and meet his real person is not same.....

Hoping the day we can meet can arrive faster.......

Working for second day le..Thats mean we didnt meet for 2 days..My mind keeps reflecting the day we had to say goodbye to each other..My tears falling down when I thought of it..Until now I still can feel the warmth of his chest when I lay on him before I left..I felt so so so down and almost to cry!But I know I have to control my tears,I duwan him to be sad too..32 days to go to meet him..Almost everyday Im crying..Hoping the day we can meet can arrive faster.......

Today 1st day working...

第一天做工原本充满期待的我，到了那里只有一句话想说：‘我从来都没有看过这么凶的女人（我的老板）！！！’。一边做工一边想着你，还好没有做错东西。。。

But happiness ended so fast...

These 2 days going out shopping with him again lo!!!
So happy and excited!
But happiness ended so fast...
I had to come back to my hometown,
around one month cant meet him...

为什么？？？

不爱运动的我竟然可以为了你而改变，为什么？

从来不敢唱歌的我竟然在你面前唱歌，为什么？

心情不好的我只要看到你就开心起来，为什么？

看不到你就会像小孩找不到妈妈一样，为什么？

明明很爱睡但你还没到家我都睡不着，为什么？

不管何时何处第一个想到的一定是你，为什么？

有谁可以帮我解答啊？！！！

都是你。。。

正在放假的你开始工作咯！而我还在读书。所以我们见面的时间变少了。

我才开始发现没有见到你的日子真的很辛苦。。。

我的心情就像这首歌：

‘谁 改变了我的世界 没有方向 没有日夜

我 看着天 这一刻在想你 是否会对我一样 思念

你 曾说我们有一个梦 等到那天 我们来实现

我望着天 在心中默默念 下一秒 你出现在眼前

想念的心 装满的都是你

我的钢琴 弹奏的都是你

我的日记 写满的都是你的名

才发现有另一个黎明

这是我对你爱的累积 ’

My 1st n 2nd present...

Talk so much about my feeling forgot to talk about the present that he gave me...

Hehe..The 1st present he gave me is a pink colour mouse! My mouse spoilt adi so he bought for me....

Now let me introduce my 2nd present.. Teng teng teng teng................................... Is a NIKE SPORT SHOES!!! This is the sport shoes that I aimed to buy it.. I planned to buy it today de but he adi bought it for me... I was so So SO TOUCH!!!!!

Dear, I will very zhen xi all the things that you gave me... Thanks!!! Muacks.......

你开心吗？

谢谢你这几天的陪伴。我觉得非常开心。。。

只想问你：‘你开心吗？’

希望在我的‘blog’ 里可以看到你真心得到答案。。。

我终于得到了我心中想要的答案了。。。

14th Of October,今天是我们的一周月！时间过得真快，在一起已经一个月咯！！！由于我们都有上课所以唯有晚上才可出去。今天他带我去吃我吵他很久叫他带我去的‘Ｔ－ＢＯＷＬ＇餐厅在Queensbay Mall。好高兴哦！食物还蛮好吃的，很可惜没有拍照下来！

吃饱后我们去走走看看我想要买的米奇运动鞋和ｎｉｋｅ运动鞋。我真的超喜欢的，但价钱我可是买不起啊！没办法咯，收钱了一双一双慢慢买吧！走了半个小时后，我们去看‘武侠梁祝’。

今天令我难忘的不是他带我去吃我想要的，也不是去看戏，而是他开口跟我说了‘我爱你！’。当时的我不知为什么，很想说‘我也爱你’但不敢说啊！所以只好躺在他怀里。真的很开心很感动哦！就那一刻，我可以确定我是他爱的人，他也是我爱的人！我终于得到了我心中想要的答案了。。。

在眼泪中找到快乐。。。

13th Of October, 今天可以说是我人生中最伤心，最失望，最心痛但又最感动的一天！身为组长的我承受了很多的压力为了争取最好的分数给自己和我的组员们。但我失败了，因为老师的不公平我的组得了最后第二低分。我的心就好像跌入谷里！！！整个人傻去，不想讲话。这时候我第一个人想到的是他，但他又在上课不想打扰他只好忍着。一个小时过了，终于忍不住了就跟他说我的心情。那时我觉得我很傻，明明很想要他来找我来陪我但却又叫他不用来。因为我怕他练习后很累所以就叫他不用来找我。（其实心里是很想要他来）

算了，既然都叫他不要来了就别想这么多。回到家后整个人就发疯似地唱歌，做平常我不会做的事。突然朋友叫我去海边透透气。其实我是真的没有心情去，但朋友劝劝几下就去啦！到了那里，突然看到一个很熟悉的面孔跑过来。看清楚，竟然是他！！！我那时真的感动到不知说什么好。原来劝我来海边透透气是个骗局。不过还真要感谢她们！就这样我们坐在海边，我躺在他肩膀上，他听我诉苦又安慰我，真的很开心！原本打算如果看到他就想要抱着他哭但不知为什么看到他觉得很开心。可说是我在眼泪中找到快乐。。。

Thank you dear..

12th Of October, today we had planned to go to Prangin Mall to buy my mum and my white shoes for our family photo. Before that when I was at Taiping, I tried my best to find a 017/012 number for him so that it will be cheaper for us to sms because he used 016. After a big search, finally beside bus station, there is a hp shop and at there I found a number that almost same number with my hp number-0175595150(My number is 0125150059).I was so happy because I searching a number that I want for long time already.

Around 4.30pm I arrived at penang jetty. Out of my expectation, he waited me at the arrival door to help me took my luagage. I was so touch! (This was the first things I would like to thank him).

Then, he brang me home to do my housework first only went out for shopping. I felt so sweet and thankful when he helped me to do my housework. He swept and mop the floor while I kept and washed clothes! (This was the second things I would like to thank him). That time I felt like we just like a 'mini husband and wife'. So xin fu!!!

After we finished our housework around 7.30pm, we went out lo! Same like the first time we shopped, he accompany and gave me ideas. (This was the third things I would like to thank him). After a long struggle, we finally managed to buy 2 pairs at OPERA, its cost me RM112!!! Oh my GOD! But I love them so much.

Around 9.30pm, we went back. While I wanted to start to do my homework suddenly my best friend wanted me to call her to have a talk. While Im on the phone without my noticed, he helped me to do my housework. (This was the forth things I would like to thank him).

Today I really really want to thank him for doing all these for me. I really appreciate it!!! Thank you dear....

很喜欢被你疼的感觉。。。

9th of October, 今天你来到我家因为想见见对方要不然又要等三天才可见面了。我很喜欢躺在你怀里也很喜欢被你抱的感觉所以今天我决定当个小孩，静静地躺着你。今天令我最深刻的时候是当我躺在你脚上你抚摸我的脸。当你抚摸我的脸时，不知为什么我感到我自己在被一个很喜欢我的人保护着。我能感受到我从来没有过的感觉。那感觉就好像我被珍惜！就是这感觉！！！我期待已久的感觉。。。我想告诉你‘我很喜欢被你疼的感觉，谢谢你！’。。。

Finally can went to a people wedding with my beloved...

4th of October, today is my dearest lecturer 'Mr.Danny' wedding. About my wearing for that day I already prepared everythings. Since I start to enter 'love relationship' life, I so so so hope that I can go a friends or relatives wedding with my beloved! This is because that day I will be dress specially and I hope he can see it. Well, my hope is finally came true. He was going to the dinner with me!!! Finally can went to a people wedding with my beloved...

Not only that, today I also got his first kiss!!! Wow.... So happy today!

First time shops so relaxly with a boy…

29th of September, after a suffer time, is time for SHOPPING!!! Wow.. I waited for today long time ago. It had been few months ago since I shops. Last time, I was a girl that do not like a boy shop with me because I will feel uncomfortable and scared that he will be bored. But, he changed me…

A week before, he promised to bring to prangin mall and gurney for shopping. So I waited and waited. Finally today came. After I packing up my things, we went to prangin. Today I will be riding 6.30pm bus back to Taiping so 11am we went out. When arrived at prangin, we straight away went to the shops that I wanted to buy things on it. Very suprisingly, I felt very comfortable and I didn’t nervous anymore. What I wanted to buy, I will asked him and he will give me his opinion and suggestion. I really like this kind of attitude. This is because normally when a girl asked a boy about opinion on a things, the boy sure said do not know or ’sui bian la’. So we bought a wallet, a college bag, a college shoes,socks, an eyeshadow and a dinner bags.

Well, all this sure not paid by him because I do not allow my bf use his money for my shopping. So before that I think and think how to pay all this things myself and he also will not feel shamed? After a long think, I decided to put all my money on his walllet so when I wanted to a things he will use my money to pay. ^^ After we bought all the things, we went lunch.

We headed to gurney. I wanted to buy a shoes for my mum. Before that, we went to GSC to see whether got movie to see. After we survey, we decided to watch ‘Painted Skin’ 2pm. While waiting for the time, we went to bonia to see my mum shoes. Unfortunely it is too expensive and my money not enough. Haiz! Almost 2pm, we went in to cinema.

After the movie had finished, we went to buy green tea ice cream and go for a walk. Is time to back home! So he brang me to jetty. Because of Im taking alot of things and it was raining, he decided to accompany to ride ferry to butterworth and to the bus. I was so so so so TOUCH! He helped me took my things and accompany me until I went up to the bus. Very reluctantly he gave me a hug and I went up to the bus. That time I felt so sweet and this is the my first time shops so relaxly with a boy…

I will wait his confirmation and promise to me…

26th of September 2008, our 3rd time going out. Today the part that I most touch is when he said and asked me: ’I like you, can you be my girlfriend?’. Of course Im his gf since 14th of September, just he wana asked me the question that he didnt ask. Because that day he straight away hold my hand. I didnt answer his question immediately. I was so shy and speechless but at the same time I felt extremely HAPPY! Besides, he also talk about how good I am! That time I felt so sweet because there is no boy praise me such good and sweet before.

So, I planned to give him my ans. I need a quiet place to say out the answer so I decided to choose beach. But because of some incident, we didnt go. I had to change my plan. After we finished our journey. He accompanied me back to my apartment. When we arrived, I tell myself to be brave. So I hug him and said:’I willing to be his gf!’. I really cant believe myself that I will said somethings so sweet.

When I really like someone, I will put 100% feeling on him and will want to be with him all the time. I wont change my mind and this is my promise to him except he disappointed me. He said before that he cant 100% confirm he will love me forever because he scared he will hurt me if he cant make it, he said we have to understand each other more deeply then only he can confirm that Im the girl that he want to find all this time. I felt a bit down. Because I cant afford to take another hurt and I do not want to take another risk anymore. What I need is a bf that can let me feel ’safe’. But actually I know he is a guy that serious in love relationship and he do not to hurt me so he said to me honestly. So I will wait his confirmation and promise to me then only I put my 100% feeling on him…

Feel like in a dream…

17th September 2007,today was the second time we go out. Since last week I had been waiting for today to arrive. He know I not so like gurney so he planned want to bring me to queensbay to watch movie. But, I still choose to go gurney because since he cares what I like and don’t so I do not want to waste his petrol…

Before we went to the cinema, we went for a walk to wait the movie time. Actually I keep asking in my heart, in his heart who am I? Girlfriend or girl’s friend? Because he never say he love me and ask me to accept him. He just straight away hold my hand on the first day we go out. Finally I got the answer! He met his secondary friend while we were walking around. His friend asked: Isn’t she your girlfriend?’ Then he answered: ‘Yes.She is my girlfriend.’

When the movie time had arrived we went to the cinema.In the cinema, I was freezing inside. When he knew that,he hugged me! He try his best to make me feel warm. That time, I felt warm. I enjoy in his hug so do not concentrate much on the movie. After the movie, we decided to drive around penang. He knew I like to eat A&W so he bring me to the tesco extra because the internet state that there is a A&W restaurant inside the tesco extra.But, when we arrived there, there no A&W. I was so disappointed! Then, he asked me whether like to drink Root Beer plus Vanilla Ice Cream or not. I said I like. So he decided to buy a root beer and vanilla ice cream for me to drink. That time I was like so touch! Since I born until now, there is no boy willing to do somethings to me. Then, we bought pop corn to get the spoon and drink for the cup. After we had all the items, we went back to the car and started to make ‘ Vanilla Ice Cream Root Beer’. Finally we successed! We drank it happily!^^ After that, he brought me around his college and some places in Penang.

Around 6.30pm, we go for dinner. While waiting for the food,we have a chat. Finally the food arrived. The sweet moment was when he feed me and I feed him! I love this kind of sweetness!
Last time, I do not like to go for karaeok because my voice was not good. But today, I suggest to go for Redbox because I know he like to sing and actually I had prepared a song to sing to him.While we inside the rooms, of course I let him chose his song 1st only I chose. His voice is so good! Suddenly, he chose a song that want to sing to me ‘ 世界唯一的你’. The lyrics was so touch until it really touch my heart. I lay on him and almost want to cry! Then I also sang the song that prepared to him ‘都是你’.

11.30pm, was time to go home. Time really past so fast. He brang me and accompany until the door of my house. Until now I still don’t believe that I had a boyfriend that I can feel that he really care about me!!!To me, today really feel like a the dream...

The feeling that I lost now is coming back…

14 September 2008, everyone was celebrating ‘Middle Autumn Day’. People who have couple definitely will go out see the moon and walk around in such romantic day. Single people like me, what to do? Sure celebrate my ownself.

But, suddenly a msg come. A guy sms me said that:‘Tonight want to go out?‘. I was like jump for joy because this is the first time a guy call me out! And the guy also Im have feeling on him. Then we promise to meet at 8pm and he come and fetch. After we ended our conversation, I started to nervous. I opened my closet and chose which cloth to wear tonight. It was headache!
After I reach Penang from hometown,Taiping, I faster finished up my housework then prepared to going out. I kept telling myself to calm down. I keep counted the time that 8pm going to arrive. Finally he arrived, my heart beating fast.

Firstly, he bring me for dinner. The place although is a cafe but it is romantic! The place is slightly dark and there is mini lantern in each table. What is so special about was the name of the cafe drink is special. Then, we ordered a large drink called 'Love' and we shared. I can felt that he tried to talk to me and do somethings to make me feel less nervous. I was like trying my best to calm down and think of topic to say.

After we had finished our dinner, we went to the beach to see the MOON. Along the road from the car to the beach, somethings happen. He hold my hand!!! I felt like myself get shocked. Then I decided to let my hand to him. This warm hand really make me feel safe and I know I didnt do the wrong decision. At the beach, we can’t really see clearly the moon but we had a good time by chating to know each other well. Actually, I was getting nervous and nervous so I just keep quiet and listen to what he said.

Around 10.25pm, he fetched me back. Along the journey, he sang songs for me! Maybe towards other people this is just a normal day for couple, but to me is meaningful because the feeling that I lost long time ago is coming back….